April 8, 2014

• Amnesia

  With the past two years being a bikey chick -- Ride Every Day!  I forgot the pleasure I used to find in writing.  Reading through 2003 posts, full of Nanowrimo-word-count shared panic and triumph, I was reminded that I was part of a Xanga community -- part of a writing community -- part of a community of support.

  I found that supportive community in biking too, and then lost it after (now 2) car accidents in 2010, 2013/ shoulder (now wrist) surgeries.

  Losing daily biking shot me down.  Way down flat, some days fighting just to leave my bed.  I couldn't ride my bike to work? I didn't want to go.  Didn't want to drive, didn't want to pay for parking, also didn't want to gain the 20 pounds added since October's crash .... fat lot of good "not wanting" did.

  I forgot that some of that writing I used to do was kinda good.  Not just good FOR me, but sometimes just plain good writing.  Sometimes really good.

  I'm not supposed to be on a bike at all, but I can write.  I'm typing one-handed, because the other's in a cast, but I'm getting pretty speedy.  It's tiring, but I can DO IT.

  I feel like I opened this extra door in my heart that was hidden, covered with scabby vines, hinges rusted almost solid.  Reading 2003 posts provided the oil for the hinges, dropping my brain into some familiar old Nano characters called forth some kind of hero sword, with which I hacked away (with mah one gud arm) at the stubborn vines.

  Maybe my new bike will come today (it has a battery!)  Maybe I'll be able to ride without straining my wrist/shoulder/neck and be bikey chick again.  Until the next surgery, until things are healed up.  Maybe I'll soon be able to leave the vehicle in the driveway again and return to WINDINMYHAIR morning commutes, you know, the kind that make you laugh out loud as you beat the #2 bus on the downhill and share a grin with the driver as you meet, head to head, at the light on the top of the hill.

  But if I can't ride, I can write.

  Gotta keep this door open.

  • 9:24 am
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