June 14, 2010
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Boy, you really want to find a way to hate someone, just let the legal process run its course. Though my attorneys and I and Frank stated in the beginning that our goal was to work together to find win-win, Frank obviously has someone advising him otherwise, and is taking that advice. Boy, is he.
I was poleaxed by the financial information he submitted as part of his interrogatory stuff. It took me over a month to be able to speak to him at all. It completely stopped me in my tracks as far as my interrogatory stuff, and I had to put it all away for almost all of that time. I'm getting back into it and hopefully can turn it in this week. I hate it, I hate it all.
I miss sex and I miss him and I miss sex with him. Even after I had Noah, we only waited about 2 weeks. It's been since May 5th, which I guess is as good a day as any to call "the last time."
Some friends have started to suggest I date; they're trying to fix me up with x or y. Oh hell no. O I am so completely warped, sad/mad, and overwhelmed that that would be a completely wrong idea. I hate not having anyone to talk to about books and movies and politics, world events, daily news, work. Kids are kids. Too much the cliché, and too much unsuitable, the single mother who relies on her children as her confidantes.
I am a cliché anyway, the single woman who can't keep a man or, apparently, a friend. The lonely cat lady with no cats because her son is allergic. The all-around loser who now, to stave off the empty evenings, is ever raising her hand to volunteer for more stuff. I looked around at some of these ______ events this past weekend and saw myself and shuddered: multiple overweight, unattractive women, divorced with their children moved on, short hair and no makeup, shrilly ordering around other people's kids or the other adults: put that table there, hang the banner, distribute the programs, pour out the punch. I pity them but I'm one of them now and I don't see any way out. Aren't there single, successful and happy women out there? What groups are they joining, for Christ's sake?
I didn't mean for this to be a pity party, but you know? I'm pissed. I should be celebrating: I don't want him (cue "Wicked": I can't want him) anymore. Once I get my financial stuff turned in, the bridge will be well and truly burned... from both sides.
Comments (4)
i'm sorry to hear all this.
are you volunteering at kids' events? maybe there are some art museums or something where you could put in some time. i think interesting people would be there.
Dang it. I'm sorry everything sucks right now.
I'm with PP - avoid kid stuff and try getting involved in something more community centered. But, yeah, good luck with that.
Frustrating. Short hair and no makeup sounds to me like world lesbian revolution though. There is a lot of that on Xanga these days. It's in fashion. More women are gay than men. Might be some nice meals out there for a cougar...
'm sorry Frank is an ass. Here are my suggestions. Screw volunteering at kids stuff. You get enough kid exposure at home. My friend Brenda is a single mom in Omaha and she's big into belly dancing. She says it's like her church. Check it out.
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